The Parentified Child Explained and How to Heal

Parentification is when a child is caused to act in a way that puts them in the parenting role rather than just being a kid. This could mean that the child parents their parents and/or their siblings, too. Now, this seems kind of odd and why would this happen? There are a few reasons why: the parent in question could not/did not want to take care of the child’s physical or emotional needs. 

Why would a parent not be able to take care of a child’s physical or emotional needs?

1. Abusing drugs/alcohol
2. Having unhealed trauma
3. Mental health issues
4. Physical illness
5. Financial hardship

What kind of toll does parentification take on children?

When a child is forced into a parenting role, they are forced to grow up too fast and therefore their developmental and emotional needs are left unmet. Some consequences of parentification are as follows:

1. Mental health issues
2. Difficulty in relationships
3. Repetition of this cycle with their own children
4. Taking on too much responsibility

So, what do we do about all of this as an adult?

1. Recognize the impact that parentification had on you: This experience was hard. Acknowledging that and building self awareness around that is crucial to healing. After all, you can’t heal what you won’t feel. 
2. Set boundaries with others: Oftentimes, parentified children who grow up into adults aren’t practiced in setting boundaries. It’s important to understand your role in a situation and stick to it to avoid burnout in relationships. 
3. Practice self compassion and self care: This is crucial. It’s important to turn toward our inner children and show him/her love and acceptance in order to heal. We were doing the best we could at the time. 
4. Seek professional/community support: Therapy is extremely helpful in recognizing patterns, increasing self awareness, and general accountability on your healing journey.

If you experienced parentification as a child, this is by no means a hopeless situation. It is an opportunity to heal, learn about yourself, and grow in the direction that you want to. Happy healing!

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