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August 12, 2025
2 min read
4 Step Guide to Dealing with Disappointment
I don’t know about you, but dealing with disappointment can be one of the most triggering and frequent negative events for someone’s mental health. Let’s dive into what we can do about it:
1. Feel it
As much as this step may be uncomfortable, it is absolutely necessary. After all, how can we heal something that we don’t know is there or won’t look at? It’s easy and common to try and numb feelings of disappointment but that ends up prolonging and ultimately may intensifying the emotions. Instead, spend some positive time with yourself in reflection. This may look like…
- Spending time in nature
- Journaling about how you feel without trying to censor yourself
- Talking with trusted friends about how you feel
- Exercising
- Going for a walk without distractions (this means no earbuds)
- Meditating
2. Validate it
It’s great and necessary to let ourselves feel our feelings, but what we do with those feelings is equally as important. There’s a few options here. We can be unkind/sad/angry with ourselves or we can feel all of that uncomfortable stuff and be kind to ourselves in response. What does this look like?
- Self-soothing by providing ourselves with kind physical touch (EX: hugging ourselves, etc)
- Repeating a kind mantra/affirmation to ourselves without expecting our mood to change instantly
- Doing a self compassion focused meditation or journaling exercise
3. Extrapolate meaning from the situation
Now, this one’s a little controversial. Keep in mind that we’re talking about disappointments here, NOT major traumas. Sometimes, I find it helpful with my clients and in my own life to seek meaning from things that happen to me. This means that I try to look for the lessons in my life. For example, if I am disappointed by a friend who shares something to another person without my permission, I can move forward knowing that that person is not to be trusted with sensitive information. There’s a caveat with finding meaning sometimes. The meaning that we find should have the following qualities to be positive:
- It should not be a negative statement (EX: “I should never trust anyone.”)
- It should be as neutral as possible (meaning NOT a personal attack) (EX: “This always happens to me.”)
- It should not be about you in a negative way (EX: “I’m stupid.”)
4. Do something that builds confidence/elevates your mood
The final step is a bit of a distraction step. It’s okay to distract yourself once you’ve at least partially dealt with the feelings at hand and/or plan to revisit your feelings. Obviously, this is a deeply personal act but here are some ideas for what you can do:
- Exercise
- Stand up straight and say affirmations/mantras in the mirror
- Talk to a friend/family member who you feel good around
- Work on a project
Here’s the deal with these steps: they’re great! But are they a cure all? No! These steps will help you navigate your feelings and you may have to repeat the cycle multiple times before you feel relief and that’s okay. Disappointment is okay. Feelings are good and we can learn something from all of them. They are our best teachers.
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